Once again, i'm gonna rant. but don't know whether i should sound it in such a serious form. TWO big blows. Though the first one isn't that serious. SECOND blow- physically.
i don't know why i have to be hurt so badly to grow. What does that mean? i'm pre-mature? need to go through so much to really get a life, a life full of peace and joy. But all these seem far, my efforts seem to be futile. Sometimes, ending your life may be a good choice.
But no, i'm not gonna let all these negative thoughts like ending my life etc, to actually even be in my mind. I don't know whether i should say anything here like that, but i do wish for people to pray for me. Recently, i've been wanting to end my life. The though just came to me. I can't be happy. Even the friday gathering, i'm not looking forward to it. Sorry people. i don't even feel like going. "I want to leave", is all i have. Leave this disastrous place. Pls, get out from my mind. You're hurting me. Hurting me so much.
hurtOkay, first let me talk about the first one. It ain't that serious, but i'm just sad. Sensitivity is the key. Hope you realise it. Though i've always repeated it so many zillion times for donkey months. For a moment i talk about it, the next time, you'll be extra careful. But it will never be long term. I hope that this will not happen again every time, but it does. Don't expect me to plan anything pls, i'm not your maid. Neither am I here to serve you like a dog. I'm not. I'm human. For God sake, I'M HUMAN!! I have feelings. I yearn for happiness, just like how everyone does. Pls, treat me like a human, a female, one who has feelings, one who can be down easily, TQL.
Secondly, i don't feel like going home anymore. Though i'm home now. Home becomes a dreaded place for me. A place that i don't enjoy. i don't wanna dwell in what had happened. It doesn't matter to me anymore. This is not how you're suppose to treat me. Because soon, you are going to suffocate me. You think you're always right. Pls, you're a christian. You lead Godly lives, just like how i want to lead. You should know what's best to say and what's not. Yet, you choose the wrong vocab. Your words can be really hurting. I'm not sad or unhappy over the issue, i'm unhappy over the words you said to me. I have dignity too, and once again, i'm human too. I can feel sad, i can feel unloved. I can feel anything. You threaten me with that, and this is what i least needed. I'm not your pet. I didn't walk out of the dining room. Pls, you can only see the wrong in people, especially me. You never see the change. You never ask whether you're in the wrong. I always believe in one thing, whatever you does, i learn from you. And you can question me about my behaviour. What about your wrong vocab that can cut people deeply? I was not being cynical. I was just being cautious. I care for what's going to happen next. Not so much on whether we have it or not. We shouldn't greed, isn't it? I am just being cautious, suggesting the right thing we should do before actioning anything. I'm not wrong. Cos everything is suspicious. Yet, you said all those thing to me. Thanks for that. That is all i need,
LEAST.I don't wish for anything. I just wish for having a good time. I just wish for what a 17 yr old teenage would wish for. Moreover, i have since been emo for the past few days, and this is all what i least needed. Thanks to the both of you. You people are "really" nice.
May God bring me out of all these. I want to feel positive.
